The Friday High Five
The Winter Soldier redux, beautiful babies, and burning questions about Superman's schlong
Every Friday I share 5 things I enjoyed this week. Also, high fives are inherently cool, and I think we can all agree Friday is the bestest day. Hence the Friday High Five. 🙏🏻My Favorite Thing
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
The Winter Soldier is the best MCU film in my opinion. It’s also my favorite.
Last year I wrote a long article—even by my standards—delving into the Steve & Bucky bromance, which has always fascinated me.1 The article is exclusive to paid subscribers, but the preview is at least 5 minutes long and includes everything you’ve come to know me for.
I rewatched The Winter Soldier again for an episode of the (coming soon!) podcast. It’s funny how you can revisit something you’ve already seen a bunch and still come away with so many new observations. I don’t want to shoot my wad prematurely, but here’s a handful of things that may or may not end up on the pod.
The first thing Sam says to Natasha is right out of Joey Tribbiani’s playbook: “How you doin?” Love the confidence. Shoot your shot, Sam.
I can’t wait to talk about the notebook Steve keeps of things he missed. For now, I would like to point out the only thing crossed off is Star Wars. I’m dying to know what he thought about it. He probably didn’t get it.
Speaking of Star Wars—the scene where Agent Hill infiltrates the SHIELD strike team by wearing combat gear feels very “Han and Luke in Stormtrooper armor” to me. Including her line after removing the helmet: “That thing was squeezing my brain.”
We’ll also be talking about:
Why The Winter Soldier is peak Natasha and Nick Fury.
Is this the best MCU movie in terms of sheer action?
The deliciousness of the Natasha & Steve relationship.
How this was the movie that made Steve the Captain America we know and love.
Plus other things that don’t fit into neat categories.
The podcast premieres May 15th. Episode 1 discusses season 1 of The Wire. New episodes drop every Wednesday. The Winter Soldier pod will be episode 3 or 4.
I’ll be sharing more details in the coming weeks, including how and where you can subscribe.🤘🏻
Other Things I Enjoyed
Swingers
A peek into how the sausage is made: Since I work from home, sometimes I’ll throw something on in the background. This decision is predicated on two things:
Does whatever I’m doing require my full attention? If no, move to step 2.
Have I seen this enough times that I can just consciously pop in and out and not miss a beat?
Swingers is one of those movies. Watching it now mostly means watching for my favorite scenes—the Vegas road trip, every time they play NHL ‘93, Mike’s (Jon Favreau) string of progressively worse voice messages, the par 3 golf course.
It’s funny because in the film Trent (Vince Vaughn) talks a lot about babies—as in babes, a move that never really caught on—but when watching, all I could think was, “Holy crap, they’re so young. Practically babies.”
Pronto
If you’ve been here any length of time, you know I’m a huge Timothy Olyphant fan. His iconic roles in Deadwood and Justified made him a modern day cowboy. He also played a marshal in Star Wars… after wearing Boba Fett’s armor. It’s almost like his career has progressed according to my own preferences.
Justified is based on Elmore Leonard stories. The character of Raylan Givens is first introduced in Pronto, Leonard’s 1993 novel. The Raylan of the book isn’t quite the Raylan of the show, but it’s easy enough to picture Olyphant while reading. The cadence, the calm, the willingness to step outside the law if necessary… it’s all textbook Raylan.
I finished this book in a week. 90% of it is dialogue and it just runs. What a read.
(Speaking of Olyphant, I really enjoyed his recent interview in Vanity Fair.)
‘Road House’ on the Rewatchables
I’ve been a Bill Simmons fan since his ESPN Page 2 days, and have followed him to Grantland and The Ringer. His podcast The Rewatchables is basically tailor made for me. Though the central conceit—these are the movies you’d stop on and watch if you were scrolling TV—doesn’t really hold up in a post-TV world. I haven’t scrolled TV in at least 10 years. Instead, I decide what I want to watch and then I watch it. Novel concept.
The spirit of The Rewatchables is still very much relevant: What movies do you rewatch all the time? And what things become apparent upon subsequent viewings?
In general, rewatchability has fallen by the wayside. There is so much stuff you could watch, readily available at the click of a button, so why would you ever choose to revisit something you’ve already seen? Many times, our watch lists feel more like checklists—I gotta get through Suits so I can finally start Fallout. It’s a lame way to think about entertainment, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I sometimes find myself in a ‘checking off’ kind of mode.
But as this very edition of the newsletter can attest, I am still very much a fan of rewatching movies I know and love.
The Rewatchables finally(!) covered the Patrick Swayze film Road House, and it’s every bit as good as I’d hoped. They even repeat some of the observations I made last year.
Superman II
I mentioned rewatching Superman: The Movie in the newsletter a couple of months ago. My general takeaway was that all my memories of the movie were actually from Superman II. The first Superman is just okay in my opinion.
My son didn’t like it, a fact I got great mileage out of; every Friday since, I’ve suggested we watch Superman II. Jokes aside, it was clear any Superman II viewing would be a solo affair.
I’m super happy and more than a little relieved to report Superman II is just as good as I’d remembered. Forget the divide between Democrats and Republicans—how can anyone prefer the first Superman over the sequel? Madness.
I haven’t seen the sequel in at least 30 years, but it’s crazy how well I remember this movie. The Eiffel Tower sequence; the prison break; Zod and his crew toying with NASA, and later crashing the White House; the New York street fight, including many of the sight gags and even bits of dialogue; fresh-squeezed orange juice; “Kneel before Zod”; the diner scene and its sequel (including the background music!). It felt less like memories and more like precognition. I don’t know how else to describe it.
One thing prepubescent me slept on that I picked up this go-around: Superman gives up his powers to shag Lois Lane. Which raises a number of logical points.
Superman was a virgin.
His penis is deadly. Why else would he abdicate all his powers? Unless his penis is too much for a mortal to handle. Talk about a humble brag. “Sorry babe—my dick will literally kill you.”
Do you think his superwang wore a cape? Do you think it has its own super-properties? Does it shoot red lasers?
Superman was willing to jeopardize the safety of at least the United States, if not the world, just to get into Lois’ pants. Before you start judging him for not being about the greater good, just remember—he’s at least 30 years-old. Forget blue balls—his have gotta be black.
Everything in the Fortress of Solitude is snow and ice. Everything except a conveniently prepared sex bed. I don’t know how else to describe it. King-sized, silk sheets, the whole deal. Barry White probably starts playing once you get in. But here’s what I keep coming back to: How long has Superman been planning this? Or! Has he been flying babes to the North Pole for years? Doing that, “Let me pop into Paris for a sec and pick up some croissants” flex. Make a show of giving up his powers for the girl, a move he can apparently undo at will. You can’t tell me it wouldn’t work. His batting average would be 1.000.
How much drag do you think he’d experience flying around with a boner? It’d have to slow him down at least 25%, right?
Seriously though—I can’t shake the idea of Superman’s dong wearing a cape. I bet it has its own theme song, too.
I’m totally serious about this line of questioning.2
One last thought: Superman uses a chamber to expose himself to Krypton rays(?), which render him a mere mortal. Later, he does it again to strip Zod and his flunkies of their power. I’m just wondering—what would happen if Lois got zapped with some of the K-juice? Would she turn into Superwoman? Isn’t that at least worth kicking the tires on before turning Superman into a weakling?
To date, the longest article I’ve ever written is this 24-minute piece on Point Break’s bromance. I guess when it comes to platonic love between two dudes, I can’t shut up.
This might be my favorite penis-related tangent I’ve ever written. It’s certainly the longest. (That’s what she said.)
Sorry, Mom.
My views on Superman and Superman II are well documented (in Fanfare, as it happens). With Superman II, my ideal version would be an edit that take some elements of the Richard Lester cut and some elements of the Richard Donner cut. The idea that Superman cannot sleep with Lois until he gives up his powers is inherent in the Lester cut, but in the Donner cut he sleeps with her before he does that. Frankly, that never made any sense to me. Why give up your powers? Just defy dead Daddy (the Donner cut features Marlon Brando again, rather than Suzannah York), marry Lois Lane, and keep your powers. No need to give them up. But the Lester version meant he had no choice but to give up his powers if he wanted to make use of that conveniently prepared sex bed you mention (how the hell did it get there is an excellent question). :)
I recently watched both the new Roadhouse with Jake Gylenhall and the original with Patrick Swayze. I’d love to hear your thoughts on how the two compare. For me it’s a bit like competing Tim Burtons Batman and Nolans Batman, barely the same story with completely different purposes. Anyway sorry to go off on a tangent on your story lol