The Friday High Five

On Near-Death Experiences, Pretend Football Teams, and Slappers Only

20th Century Fox

Every Friday I share 5 things that brought me joy this week. Also, high fives are inherently cool, and I think we can all agree Friday is the bestest day. Hence the Friday High Five. 🙏🏻

So I went almost 2 weeks without sending you anything, and then I send 2 emails in the same day. It had been my intention to send the Apple TV Feel-Good piece Wednesday, but I kept tinkering with it until last night. Such is writing.

I thought about skipping the High Five this week but enough people complain when I miss one that I thought I’d just make it short. I do apologize for two emails in the same day!

Have a great weekend. High five!

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5 Things I Enjoyed This Week:

• ACE Cold Compress

• The Fantasy Footballers Podcast

• Live Free or Die Hard

• Classic Video Games

• The Last Dance

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ACE Cold Compress

Oh look—Eric hurt himself again.

I was finally back to my normal operational efficiency when I did something stupid. I wish I could claim it was from being macho, like lifting too much weight or doing a wheelie on a motorcycle in oncoming traffic. Nope. I just really needed to pee.

The Zoom meeting would not end. The pressure in my bladder kept building. I started looking speculatively around the room. My Yeti? The garbage can? Maybe I could just open the window and water the front bushes.

The call finally ended. I ran to the master bathroom, which involves a straight shot down a hallway followed by a 90 degree turn into the master bedroom, and then an almost immediate 90 turn into the bathroom. I somehow kicked the molding as I was going into the bathroom, bruising both knees and skinning my elbow in the process. But the foot took the brunt.

I thought it was broken or maybe fractured. Couldn’t put weight on it, couldn’t wiggle it. Cut it off and leave me for dead. I was basically Anakin at the end of Revenge of the Sith—laying on the ground, screaming curses, unaccountably mad even though I did it to myself.

I might’ve screamed, “I hate you!” at the molding. Lucasfilm

A couple days of the old ACE cold compress and some Motrin and I’m pretty much healed up. Just in time to go golfing tomorrow. At least I have an excuse if I suck.

The Fantasy Footballers Podcast

Someone once described fantasy football as D&D for jocks. As someone who has played both, the description fits. It’s all make-belief, and yet it somehow becomes the single-most important thing when it’s happening.

This is my favorite part of the summer. Football camps are opening and hope is in the air. The Fantasy Footballers is one of my favorite podcasts, sports or otherwise. Informative and hilarious.

Live Free or Die Hard

Yes, I’m still on my Timothy Olyphant kick. This week I revisited Live Free or Die Hard, aka Die Hard 4, aka Hollywood Has No Clue What To Do With Timothy Olyphant. I wrote a piece recently about the mismatch between his talents and the material in Hitman, but Die Hard 4 (sorry, it’s easier to type and also the actual title sucks) is just as bad.

In case you forgot—and I wouldn’t blame you—Olyphant is the bad guy. That’s an immediate strike one. If he was a Hans Gruber, fine. But his character is an emotionally stunted computer guy who is also a closet sociopath. Olyphant doesn’t get to use any of his charisma or humor, which is like casting Brad Pitt and then putting a paper bag over his head. What’s the point?

Hitman and Die Hard 4 both released in 2007. It was a bad year for our cinematic Olyphant hopes.

Classic Video Games

I went with ‘classic’ over ‘old’ because I’m not trying to hurt myself again.

Inspired by my friend’s bachelor party last weekend, I installed GoldenEye 007 on my Xbox while my brother was in town this week. We used to play 4-player split-screen in my bedroom way back in the day. Firing up the game again was like stepping back through time. I haven’t played in at least 20 years, but it all came rushing back.

My brother and I ended one game by putting our guns away and just slapping each other. Still hilarious.

The Last Dance

This week I started rewatching The Last Dance, the Netflix mini-series about Michael Jordan. I think it’s my third time watching it? For basketball fans of a certain age, no single person looms larger in memory than Michael Jordan. I appreciate him the way I might admire a great white shark: At a distance and with the implicit understanding that I would be annihilated if I got too close.

Anyway, love watching the guy. He’s the greatest to ever play, and his competitive fire—while often pathological in nature—is a testament to what can be accomplished when someone refuses to quit. Obviously, hugely talented and uniquely blessed with gifts. But that fire is what made Jordan the GOAT. And it’s why so many are still drawn to him.

Even the memes feed into my affection. My personal favorite is this laughing compilation, which my brother and I use whenever the other says something ridiculous. Like him thinking he’ll win at fantasy football this season.

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What are you into at the moment? Leave a comment and let me know!

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