Tim Burton Sees Own Reflection, is Terrified

Bite-sized news and commentary to start your week

Image: Gage Skidmore

You either consider director Tim Burton a genius or find him freaking weird.¹ There's no middle ground. Turns out, Burton himself may fall into the latter camp.

In a recent interview, Burton described the sensation of seeing his work fed into an AI art program that then crapped out Burton-esque Disney characters.

“It reminded me of when other cultures say, ‘Don’t take my picture because it is taking away your soul.’”

Stuff like this is nightmare fuel to creatives everywhere, and boner fuel to entertainment executives. The AI issue is at the heart of the writer’s strike, for good reason.

Disney is Probably Definitely Going to Sell ABC

Disney is having themselves a rough month. Share prices are down 25% year-to-date. Disney’s public spat with Charter Communications resulted in 15 million paying customers losing access to channels like ABC and ESPN; when billion-dollar companies fight, it’s always the consumers who lose. And now it has leaked that Disney may be looking to sell ABC. Don’t buy their claims that they haven’t decided—Bob Iger, Disney’s once and future CEO, hinted this sale might happen back in July.

It’s definitely happening. Probably. I don’t watch much network TV these days so I don’t really have an interest in the fight, other than my usual abhorrent horror that corporations can own network television companies.

Netflix Takes HBO’s Lunch Money

In their infinite wisdom, Warner Bros. Discovery—owners of HBO—has decided to start licensing HBO exclusives to Netflix. I’d like to remind everyone that Netflix is the big fish in streaming and one of HBO’s biggest competitors. How’s this for an analogy: imagine the Rebel Alliance letting the Empire borrow a few X-Wing squadrons. It’s baffling, right?

Ballers and some show I’ve never heard of is already on Netflix.² Along with those, Netflix has also just added Band of Brothers and The Pacific, two World War II epics. None of this is like, new content or anything. But it still seems really odd.

If you have Netflix, now’s your chance to catch these incredible series. I’d especially recommend them for fans of Saving Private Ryan.

The “Lando” Movie, Which Became a TV Show, is Now a Movie

I don’t know the inner workings at Lucasfilm, but from the outside looking in, it seems a bit dysfunctional. They’ve announced a ton of stuff over the years, but all we’ve really gotten is cancellations and delays, some animated shows, and the Mando-Verse.³ Anyway, Lando is apparently still happening, though the format has gone all Zam Wesell.⁴

Lando—the man, not the system—was one of my favorite parts of the unnecessary yet enjoyable Han Solo movie. So I’m super enthused to see Donald Glover reprise the role, whatever the format might take. I think I’d settle for a Childish Gambino Lando music video at this point.

Taika Waititi Has Writer’s Block Because There Are No Orgies in Space

Taika Waititi’s film is among the announced Star Wars projects that have entered a nebulous state of conception, existing somewhere on the spectrum between “I’d like to make a Star Wars” and “we have words on the page.” It’s this last bit that Waititi is struggling with, in his own words. (Fair warning: It’s not much of an update.)

I think Waititi is a comedic genius but I also wouldn’t mind if this project fell down the Sarlacc Pit and was slowly digested over a thousand years. I’m still not over his orgification of Thor.

Notable Releases This Week

The Expend4bles (Theaters)

The Expendable movies are good fun, but they're also, you know, expendable. I've seen them all once and have never felt inclined to watch them again. I honestly thought they were done making them.

This iteration is all about establishing a younger cast for the inevitable The Expendable5 and beyond. You can only get so much mileage out of “I’m getting too old for this shit” jokes.⁵

If I was Jason Statham, I'd be a little pissed that I was grouped with the crusty old guys and not the younger crew.

Sex Education: Season 4 (Netflix)

I've never watched this show, but I've heard good things about it. I am curious how they stretched out the premise to last 4 whole seasons. What's new in sexual anatomy?

In my experience, sex education was a single hour of 6th grade health class. The boys giggled at the penis illustrations projected onto the wall—I’m sorry, but few things are funnier than a man-sized dong—and the girls mostly just looked embarrassed. The boys were embarrassed, too. It's super weird having a teacher frankly talk about private parts in a room full of your peers.

Anyway, none of this has anything to do with the show. I just felt like sharing.

The Continental: From the World of John Wick (Peacock)

This is pretty much everything I hate: a prequel that exists only to shed light on a cool corner of a universe, and in doing so, will destroy all the mystique that made the thing so damn cool in the first place. It's the Boba Fett corollary. The not knowing is the best part.

That said, I'd watch this simply because I dig the Continental. Yes, I am part of the problem. I don't have Peacock though, because it's Peacock, so this one will go unwatched for a while.

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I kinda dunked on all these releases, which is a weird way of recommending something. I wasn't saying you should watch this stuff, only that you could this week.

Since it's the best policy, let's be honest—this is a crappy week for new stuff.

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1. If it wasn't clear from my tone, I’m in the “I wouldn't be surprised to discover Tim Burton collects toenail clippings” camp. He's strange. He made a career out of his oddity, which is every weirdo’s dream. You don't think I write stuff comparing Force Lightning to taking a leak because I'm well-adjusted, do you?

2. The first couple seasons of Ballers is super entertaining. You can’t deny Dwayne Johnson’s charisma, but John David Washington steals the show as a prima donna wide receiver. Highly recommend for fans of the NFL, of gratuitous shots of men in three-piece suits, or of men behaving like children.

3. The Mando-Verse: The Mandalorian, The Book of Boba Fett, and Ahsoka.

4. Zam Wesell is the changeling in Attack of the Clones who was hired by Jango Fett, who was hired by Count Dooku, who works at Palpatine’s command, to kill Padme. This byzantine plot was included in my list of 7 baffling things in Star Wars.

5. That number being 4 movies, apparently.