At What Point Does One Amass Enough Clout to Brand Stuff With Their Own Name?

The Friday High Five

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer

The first time I heard of Guy Ritchie was after he married Madonna.

That’s still probably the most note-worthy thing I know about him.

At the time, I knew he was a director but hadn’t seen anything of his, which calls to mind the saying about a tree falling and nobody being around to hear it. In my defense, I was in college at the time and the only cinema I was invested in involved terrible dialogue, questionable ethics, and gratuitous action.

I am of course referring to Star Wars.

To me, Mr. Madonna was merely the material girl’s latest conquest, a bloke who liked to shoot independent moving pictures when he wasn’t shackled to a four-poster bed.¹ Snatch was the first Guy Ritchie film I saw, a somewhat muddled crime drama that felt like a lesser, British Tarantino movie, one with Brad Pitt locked into a completely indecipherable accent.

I liked the Sherlock Holmes films but was completely ignorant of the fact that they were Guy Ritchie films. His name just didn’t care that sort of cachet with me. Which isn’t necessarily notable—I love movies but don’t follow directors the way serious movie fans do. It’s the difference between watching the NFL every Sunday and knowing who the General Manager of each team is.

For a director to ping my radar, they had to be somehow remarkable. And Guy Ritchie wasn’t.

So I had a bit of a chuckle last weekend when I decided we should watch Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant. Because the Guy Ritchie part of the equation carries zero weight, but you absolutely can’t escape that this is a Guy Ritchie joint because the film forces you to reckon with it, even if you are indifferent to what that means exactly.

The movie is a Jake Gyllenhaal vehicle about a U.S. Army sergeant and his Afghan interpreter, told during the years of the U.S. occupation. It’s a tense war drama, occasionally moving, beautifully shot, but essentially indistinct from anything you might find on Prime Video starring Chris Pratt.

One of my favorite newsletters is

Boy Movies

; this movie is solidly in Allison’s purview. Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant is about two boys saving each other, and also themselves, because they somewhat reluctantly can’t quit the other. I enjoyed it because male bonding is a goal unto itself, doubly so if done under a hail of bullets punctuated by spirited cursing.

In the wake of all that glorious if predictable thunder and fury, I find myself not wondering about the characters, as I usually do. It’s not that kind of movie.

Instead, I keep thinking about Guy Ritchie. And not even the man, or the director. I’m pondering the idea of Guy Ritchie. Because he has somehow transcended the physical realm and become the most celebrated of things in capitalist society: A brand.

Perhaps soon you’ll see Guy Ritchie’s Chocolate Chip Cookies on store shelves. Or be able to buy Guy Ritchie’s Guide To Marrying a Pop Princess. And all the while, he’s just a guy who’s directed a bunch of movies I’ve never seen, and a handful of okay to meh ones I have.

I’m just saying: You’ll know I’ve arrived when the site is renamed to Eric Pierce’s All the Fanfare.

Guy Ritchie’s The Covenant is streaming on Prime Video.

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Every Friday I share 5 things I enjoyed this week. Also, high fives are inherently cool, and I think we can all agree Friday is the bestest day. Hence the Friday High Five. 🙏🏻

Temple of Doom with Simon Dillon

This week I recorded my first podcast episode with a guest, my friend and film buff

Simon Dillon

. Turns out podcasting is sorta easy when you can have an engrossing conversation about a topic you love with someone you respect.

The episode will drop Wednesday, but in the meantime, here’s a little excerpt I put together using the recording software.

Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger as Simon was about to make a really great point about Ford’s performance in the film! Fortunately, you only have to wait a few days.

Parenthood

NBC

I am a huge TV snob.

I’ll be the first to admit it. What I consider a refined palate is honestly just a severe disinterest in anything that even faintly smells mediocre. It’s the difference between loving This is Us and disliking Brothers & Sisters, which is all the difference in the world.

I picked those two examples for a reason.

While it was sometimes over the top and always obsessed with its own mythology, This is Us was grounded in the characters, and thus, the story remained believable and engrossing. I enjoyed Brothers & Sisters until it became obvious the stellar cast was just a veneer to hide the show’s soap opera leanings.

So when my wife suggested we watch Parenthood—which she’d watched during its original run—my first question was, “Is it like Brothers & Sisters?”

Thankfully, it’s not.

We’re only halfway through the first season, but I’m really enjoying Parenthood. It’s just a feel-good kind of show. There’s a fairly large cast, but it’s mostly about four adult siblings and their relationships with one another. Apparently I really dig the ‘adult sibling relationship’ genre.

Parenthood taps into how even as an adult with responsibilities and a life of your own, being around your parents and siblings is a kind of magic. It’s this wonderful sense of both being grown-up and also still a kid who likes to have fun and even be a bit naughty. It’s that fleeting moment when crossing over from the real world to Narnia, when you briefly have a foot in both worlds.

I’ve been trying to find a comp for this show but have so far been unable. The closest is Modern Family or Gilmore Girls, but those aren’t exact. In other words: It’s in good company.

Streaming on Hulu.

The Sweet Succor of Air Conditioning

I don’t know what the weather is like where you live, but this week temperatures were routinely in the mid-90s. In Michigan.

Technically it’s not even summer yet.

Being that I work from home, I had the distinct advantage of not submitting my flesh to such discomfort. I did observe it in others, notably my children when they came home from work, all unpleasantly damp and distinctly annoyed. Meanwhile, I purposefully avoided going outside, because that’s where all the hot congregated.

At one point I made a miscalculation and briefly stepped into the attached garage. It felt as though I’d stumbled into Satan’s sauna.

But I’m sure the climate’s fine.

Star Wars Stuffs

This section could probably be repeated every week. At least as long as a new Star Wars is on, I’ll always have something to say about it.

Let’s start there.

This week’s episode of The Acolyte was the most surprising in many ways.

Btw, spoilers.

While the flashback and fire from last week raised more questions than it answered, it more or less clarified how the twins ended up in the present day, which seemed the most relevant. I still think Mae’s “I’m gonna burn this sucker to the ground” reaction was more than a little ridiculous. I chalked it up to her just having that Dark Side in her. Some kids are bad seeds. Maybe more so if their conception was a bit unnatural.

This week, Mae abruptly but not unpleasantly decided she wanted a redemptive arc. Which was just our first surprise. Maybe this show wasn’t going to end in a twin-off, but instead something else.

The fate of the absolute unit of a Wookiee Jedi was the second surprise.

I understand the purpose of the scene’s construction, and must admit the show is doing a great job of grafting serial killer vibes onto the unnamed, unfaced antagonist. But I was super disappointed to finally get a Wookiee who could brandish a lightsaber only to see him killed offscreen.

Cue the mother of all cliffhangers. If the next episode is another flashback, I’m going to lose my mind.

One thing that’s clear is the Jedi are super outmatched. Which is a crazy thing to say about Jedi at their peak. It’s setup to be a 1 v 7 fight and I’d still put all my chips on the guy in the gimp mask.

Last week I watched Attack of the Clones for the first time in a long time. Revisiting the Prequels alongside The Acolyte, and in light of it, casts the films in a slightly different light. Not just the Jedi practice of scouring the galaxy for Force talent and plucking the ripest fruits, parental rights be (pleasantly but firmly) damned. I’m talking just the day-to-day operations of the Jedi.²

The Acolyte is sniffing around the corners of something much bigger that has been part of the fabric since 1999 but somehow overlooked. It’s beyond the scope of this show to explore further, but I hope some future show picks up the baton.

1. I assume, based on what I saw in Madonna: Truth or Dare.

2. Imagine The Office: Jedi Temple as a workplace comedy. I’d watch. “What she said, that.”