Nerf Herder Association Outraged Over Slander By Alderaanian Princess
Sunday Funnies #4: Siblings Anonymous would also like a word
Growing up, I was a big fan of the comics section of the Sunday newspaper, which we colloquially called ‘the funnies.’ This is an attempt to tap into some of that energy. Sometimes the best way to talk about pop culture is to make fun of it.For Immediate Release:
November 24, 2024
Contact:
Emenoe Rothgro @ Holo ID: nerfpies4910zz
Coruscant—Alderaan was widely believed to be an idyllic place of peace without a blaster in sight. The truth of this claim was taken to Alderaan’s grave; the planet was destroyed months ago after implementing 7G cellular technology, a known side-effect. But recent remarks by the sole surviving member of the Alderaanian royal family casts much of what we thought we knew about Alderaan into doubt.
“It has come to our attention that Princess Organa has blatantly and aggressively attacked nerf herders across the galaxy,” said Jerarth Skewey, president of the Nerf Herder Association of the Galaxy (NHAG). “And frankly I won’t stand for it.”
Skewey’s complaint comes after security footage was leaked to the Holonet, in which Organa is seen in the company of known terrorists Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. A clearly riled Organa tears into Solo. “Why, you stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf herder!”
Nerf herders have long been stereotyped as stinky and unwashed, an image Skewey is working to rehabilitate. “It’s an ugly stereotype, and untrue, mostly.” The injustice was enough that Skewey elected to release that most-feared of implements: a strongly-worded letter.
“We would prefer to lodge a formal complaint with the Alderaan royal family, but seeing as they’re all dead, we’ve issued a letter to Princess Organa. We’ve also jettisoned copies into the asteroid field that is Alderaan’s remains. The afterlife is a murky subject, but on the off-chance that ghosts are real, we wanted to ensure they understood the full weight of our anger.”
Requests to Organa for comment have gone unanswered.
Organa was also a member of the Imperial Senate before joining the self-styled Rebel Alliance, a galactic terrorist organization with ties to a child trafficking ring known as the Jedi. According to Skewey, her willingness to slander all nerf herders everywhere is indicative of “a cruel heart hardened by a life of luxury.”
“We’ve spent a lot of credits changing our image, after that unfortunate nerf orgy on the moon of Traipi,” Skewey said. “Comments like Ms. Organa’s certainly don’t help.”
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Notes, With Additional Commentary
At least 25% of my references come from commercials from the 80s and 90s. It's a lost art.
I dropped a reference to this salsa commerical in a group text with a bunch of Millennials and was met with silence and abject scorn. I suddenly felt all the inexorable weight of my years. I reflexively hit them with a “wassup,” which was better received. Good thing, otherwise I might've stepped into oncoming traffic.
It was one of those weeks.
Nonetheless, I greet every day/week with complete optimism.
I was a bit rundown this week and just not feeling great.
I appreciate that my wife treats my woes with the appropriate degree of somber, at least outwardly.
This one came to me as I was doing it. 🫠
It's a horrible habit but also strangely joyous.
This last pic was sent by a friend visiting New York. I believe this is what people mean when they talk about form following function.
That’s it for this edition of the Sunday funnies! Have a great week.
So there are people in the Star Wars universe who herd footballs made of foam?
"Get a rope." 😜 Grest read! Thanx for the laughs.